


Save the last goodbye?

by Aingeeal



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: After Life, Developing Relationship, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Saying goobye, Suicide, im sorry, nightmares and dreams
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-10
Updated: 2018-01-10
Packaged: 2019-03-03 05:14:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13334226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aingeeal/pseuds/Aingeeal
Summary: No one knew for sure what reason led Hinata Shouyou to commit suicide.Ever since the news reached the school, the whole building smelled like flowers. Of course people were leaving gifts under his locker and writing ‘good bye’ messages at his desk, not that any of those would bring him back.Kageyama hated.





	Save the last goodbye?

**Author's Note:**

> Or also know as how I destroy one of the most gorgeous characters in the show... Sorry. I'm awful.
> 
> • This is fictional, of course, and THERE'S NOTHING EXPLICIT, but, if you feel triggered about this kind of subject, please don't read it.  
> • This is unbeta'd and english it's not my mother language, so please ignore if you see some grammar error or tell me and I'll fix it! xx
> 
> :: Title from "Save The Last Goodbye" by Union J
> 
> Inspired by:  
> • "13 Reasons Why" - Netflix  
> • "The Last Time We Say Goodbye" - Cynthia Hand

No one knew for sure what reason led Hinata Shouyou to commit suicide.

Ever since the news reached the school, the whole building smelled like flowers. People were leaving gifts under his locker and writing ‘good bye’ messages at his desk, not that any of those would bring him back.

Kageyama hated.

He hated how those people seemed so sad that such a _happy_ person could do that, leave his friends and family, how they acted like they knew him without even spoken to him. He hated the flowers, and the candles, and the pictures, and honestly he just wanted to burn the whole building down. What was the point of maintaining anyway if _he_ wasn't here anymore?

Without a doubt, what he hated the most, was the fact that Hinata hadn’t left a single explanation. Not a letter, or a picture, or a note, he didn’t spoke to anybody and it seems like he didn’t even tried. No one knew he was on a hard phase of his life until his mother found him laying in the bathroom, after shoving to many sleeping pills down. It wasn’t an accident, the doctors said.

Kageyama wasn’t sad. He was _angry._

The only thing he wanted, the only thing he _needed_ was to know the reason why. What happened? Who made you do this? Was something going on that you didn’t told anyone? What led you to this? Ever since his mother entered his room with puffy eyes while holding her phone, trying to deliver the news in the most soft way possible, he hadn’t cried. Mostly because it wasn’t something he was used to, but also because he thought that if he started, he would never stop.

The volleyball club took a break, wich only made him angrier. He needed to feel the ball, to toss, to pretend that everything was normal and that his best friend hadn't left him like that. Daichi-san usually would agree to spike his tosses or practice with him alone, but the thing is... he didn't wanted to practice with Daichi-san, because he wasn't fast enough, or jumped high enough. He wasn't Hinata.

He saw his family at the funeral, but he didn't spoke to them. He just couldn't stare at Natsu's frame while she cried and pretend he was okay with all of that, because he wasn't. In a word, he was dealing with it, in the worst possible way. He wanted to _punch_ Hinata.

After a week, the nightmares started. The days became harder to maintain and heavier and at night he found himself praying to get two hours of sleep before he woke up screaming. He refused to take pills for... obvious reasons. The first days, his mother would rush to his room and hold him until he drifted to sleep again (with luck) – now, she usually just checked if everything was alright before going back to bed. It was always the same dream, but with different courses. In every single one of them, Hinata died.

First it was the car crash. They had been talking. A light came so fast out of nowhere and then he was dead. Then it was the assault and the gun, the sound exploding on his ears. A wild animal at the jungle. A building that went down. Earthquake. Drowned in the sea. Burned by a explosion. That night, it was no different.

 

* * *

 

 

_When he looked up, Hinata was smiling at him. They were playing volleyball in the street, in front of Hinata’s place. Both of them were using summer clothes and Hinata seemed calm, like they just went on vacation. Kageyama knew he was already dead, but he couldn’t bring himself to say something. How do you tell someone something like that? 'Hey, what you're doing on the living world, dipshit?'_

_“You know, it’s kinda peaceful here. But its so quiet, miss you guys all the time!” Hinata said with a small smile. "We can have whatever we want, and I have a volleyball! But I don't have exaclty a team to play with it. Not that I'm asking you guys to come, no..." he chuckled "You can all take your time, I'll wait. It's just... too quiet. Like a room full of Tsukishimas!"_

_Kageyama received a ball and tossed to him once more._

_“We miss you too, it's quiet over here as well.” Kageyama said. “But I’m mad at you, dumbass.”_

_Hinata laughed._

_“I know you are. It’s recent, so I wasn’t expecting something different. I mean, I'm already used to having you mad with me, so it's okay. I can handle it. But you have to understand something: it was my decision.”_

_“A stupid decision.”_

_“Still mine, tho.”_

_When the ball came back, Kageyama held down and looked at his best friend. The rival that became his friend, friend that became his partner and then at last, became something more. He remembered the first time he realize that he might be in love with the red head. They were at school and he was talking about some nonsense, and Kageyama found himself distracted by the way his mouth moved or how his eyes squeezed when he smiled. He never got the chance to kiss him or even confess and that made him mad. Hinata waited and held his gaze in a sad way, like he knew Kageyama wanted to talk about something he would never actually hear it._

_“Hinata, I...” he started. The boy suddendly looked at his left, in time to see a runaway car coming fast. Kageyama screamed and pushed foward, but he wasn’t fast enough. He heard the crash. He saw the blood._ And then he woke.

 

* * *

 

“Kageyama, you need to get some sleep.” Ennoshita-san said. The raven haired boy stop wandering and shook his head. They were at the gym, the first practice after everything went to hell. The gym was quiet and most of the players looked like shit, like Noya and Tanaka were practicing receives in a complete silence, Yamaguchi was serving again and again and Suga was just giving out water botles with red eyes. Kageyama, for sure, was one of them.

“I don’t wanna sleep,” Kageyama said, while streching. “If I sleep, I’ll dream and I’m trying to avoid that.”

“You can’t avoid sleep.”

“I can try.”

 

 

* * *

 

When Kageyama got home, his sister was playing cards with her friends. All of them were smiling but one, who looked at her cards like she just got cheated. He recognized the game, not that he wanted to. It was just as painfull as any other memory related to Hinata now, but even still his mind went far, when he taught him how to play. He was a lost cause. Kageyama had to repeat the cards at least ten times and Hinata had lost every single time. Of course, he never let any of those things stop him, so he started to became better. So better, that recently Kageyama was finding hard to keep up with.

"I’m home, Mako." he announced. His sister waved her hands at him without taking her eyes of the cards.

Kageyama took his time to prepare something to eat, even if he wasn’t feeling hungry. After realizing his sister wouldn’t leave the room with the TV, he went to his bedroom, and after a while, the boredoom stroke. The room was quiet and the sun was warm, so he allowed his eyes to close, while resting his chin on the table right above his homework.

 

* * *

 

 

_They were at a tree house. It was a beautiful place, built with large pieces of wood but clearly made by someone who wasn't the best at that. The curtains were yellow and it was cozy. Hinata was looking at the window, and for the first time in a while, he wasn’t smiling. Kageyama didn’t bother enough to leave the couch he was laying, so he just whistled. The ginger looked at him and faked a happy face._

_“Why are you sad?”_ Why are you sad? _Seriously, Tobio? The boy commited suicide and you’re asking why he’s sad!? He waited until the older work on a answer in silence._

_“I d-don’t find healthy that you keep dreaming about me dying. In different ways." He said in a low tone of voice. He picked on his nails and avoided looking at Kageyama. "It's brutal."_

_“It was worst when I was awake, don't worry about it.” Kageyama snapped. The boy didn’t smiled at him, but shrugged._

_“I know.” He said, but didn’t apologize. “This is sick. I never meant to harm anyone.”_

_“You did, sorry to be the one that it's bringing it out.” Kageyama snapped again. Part of his mind thought it was rude to treat the guy like that, but Hinata finally gave him a smile. "Boo hoo. What? You thought you could just go and everyone would be okay with it? Do you actaully have any idea of how we're all dealiing with this?!"_

_“I take that you’re still mad at me.”_

_“Of course I’m mad at you, Hinata!” he exclaimed, this time louder. The middle blocker didn't looked at him or flinched, “You fucking gave eveything up and we don’t even know why! Kenma texts me every week, Suga and Noya can't stand calling you 'Shouyou' out loud, your sister cries everyday, your mother is in pieces,_ I’m _in pieces! You stupid dumbass, you didn’t explained anything, you... you didn’t... God, you didn’t even let me say goodbye!”_

_When he finished, Hinata was looking at the window and he let a single tear roll down. Kageyama didn’t got the chance to say anything else. He heard the comotion outside and the sound of something catching fire. Hinata remained looking at the floor and didn't move a muscle as their tree burned down._

 

* * *

 

Maybe Kageyama was getting crazy. Maybe he was starting to feel the lack of sleep and his tormented feelings inside of him were driving him insane. He didn’t wanted to talk to anybody about it, and the only person who knew, was in fact, the reason to all of that. At that night, he was already prepared. He didn’t wanted to go to bed, he just wanted a time in peace, where he could work on his mind and heart and feel free again. Was that possible? C'mon, it has been a month!

He stared at the window like he was threatening God. _Gimme a night, one fucking night._ He was absolutely exausted.

He thought about that afternoon. About that dream. He knew Hinata never meant to cause any harm, but he didn’t regreted snapping like that. Yes, it made him cry, and Kageyama begged that this would keep him away for a while, even tho he knew that this was happening in his head. It wasn’t Hinata, Hinata was dead. It was him. He thought about it for a while, and when he finally laid down, he promised himself that this would be the last one. He wouldn’t allow himself to be dragged into those dreams anymore. He felt his counscious leaving his body and then, he was away.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

_They were playing cards. Kageyama first thought was 'this is creepy'. Both of them were on a empty classroom, but it was dark, like they were in the middle of night. Kageyama recognized that as thei own class, he could see his own table and Hinata's, all written over. Even the smell on the hallway was the same. Above them, a simple lamp was on, and Hinata was shuffling the cards. Kageyama took his seat and crossed his arms._

_“I won’t say sorry.”_

_Hinata smiled and looked at him. For the first time in a while, Kageyama realized how much he missed this boy. He didn't even seemed upset. His brown eyes were warm and his hair was clean, like he just showered from a long day. He realized how much time he had lost when he was alive, how he could never get those days back. He would never spike Kageyama tosses anymore, and he would never hear his laugh right at his side. Damn it, Kageyama would never have the chance to do anything with him. Hinata was beautiful, and Kageyama always knew that._

_“You don’t need to,_ Baka _geyama. I'm sorry that... I left this way.”_

_Kageyama sighed and stared at him. The boy looked calm._

_“You could’ve left something. We... we are at the dark. What... what happened?” he hated how his voice trembled. Hinata smiled once more, but this time he didn’t took his eyes from the cards._

_“Bad things happened, nothing that you need to worry. It just... I couldn’t take it anymore. But it's past now, this is not why we’re here.” he said._

_“You aren’t going to tell me why you did that?” Kageyama asked._

_“No.”_

_“Then why are we here?” he could feel himself getting angry again, and he saw Hinata noticed. Once again, the ginger looked at him._

_“We’re here to make a deal. Some of the stuff you told me... were harsh, just like what I did to you. So... we’ll play cards. One match, just like you taught me. No cheating, no prolonging this. One last time. If you win, I’ll let you say your proper good bye, like you wanted. If I win, you’ll never dream with me again. Not ever.” He didn't looked up._

_Kageyama stayed in silent. It wasn’t a easy decision. Yes, the dreams were horrific, but if that was the only way he could look at him...  Looking at Hinata was necessary... But he also wanted to say good bye. He needed that._

_“Ok.” he breathed out._ _And then, they started._

_Kageyama knew Hinata by the faces he used to make while looking at the cards, and he started to lead the match. He made Hinata waste some good cards and he chuckled when the other boy pouted. It was in the middle of the game when he realized that, actually, it was Hinata that was leading. He had made Kageyama think he was first, but he wasn’t. He checked their pontuations and positions and he felt his body turning cold._

_Even if he won this round, he wouldn’t reach him. He only had two more cards, but it didn’t matter. Because Hinata was going to win this time. He felt his chest close and he took several breaths. Hinata stared at him with a small smile, but didn’t tried to rush him. When Kageyama thrown the next card, Hinata won again. He looked at his last resource, and realized his hands were shaking._

_“It’s your turn, Tobio.” Hinata said in a low tone. He shivered from the sound of his given name. Kageyama nodded and then he closed his eyes, and he felt the first tear rolling down. This was_ so _unfair. Hinata could’ve just thrown his final card, and finished the game and the dream, like it was their deal. But he didn’t. He waited for Kageyama to make the first move._

_The raven haired boy slowly laid his card on the desk. Hinata looked him in the eyes, seconds before his hand lower his own card. Kageyama realized he couldn't miss this, he couldn't leave without this, and he wasn't getting a second chance. He took a deep breath._

_“I'll always love you, Shouyou. Good bye.”_

_Hinata smiled before the card reached the desk._

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! <3
> 
> "I had all, and then most of you, some and now none of you..." - Lord Huron


End file.
